Where to begin?

A few of you precocious little Patriots just won't leave me alone. It seems I have no choice but to emerge from my hibernation early as another election season looms on the horizon of the new year. I'm cranky, ruthlessly drunk and likely to maul any poor bastard who dares speak a word to me before before I've had my breakfast.

Brunch is served.

I see not much has changed since I nodded off after my last post in September. Main Street is still closed downtown, the city is still spending money it doesn't have, Ted Biondo is still on the county board and Apostle Brown is still trying to stretch his 15 minutes into a miniseries.

The vaults under the downtown pedestrian mall must have been a problem, indeed. This project was supposed to be finished by around Labor Day. I suspect we'll be seeing some more quietly-presented, vaguely-described change orders in days to come, for overruns the mayor isn't gonna be proud of. Don't expect aldermen to call him on it, though. Like the Metrocentre, it's a commitment they'll all have to bear like a colostomy bag.

Aldermen have other ways of getting even, but the net effect will be a tax increase. This week, they commandeered a $600,000 debt payment, because they're banking on the federal or state government swooping in to pay the city's bills.

Instead of being responsible stewards of tax dollars, William Charles will probably get the $600,000 to resurface streets the city's most influential constituents live on, and the bond payment will still have to be made somehow. If I had to guess, either a bunch more non-union employees are going to lose their jobs, or your taxes will pick up the slack.

Being a holiday week, I'm using some vacation days before the end of the year. I plan on being up all night. After all, someone has to make the Bloody Mary's at 6AM when the zombies start filing in for political tailgating. Later this morning, Ted Biondo will probably be ordered off the county board by a judge. We want to be there when it happens, but metal detectors and armed deputies in the lobby could be difficult to get by with straight faces stuffed with Lion's Club mints to hide the unmistakable stench of drunkenness.
We're not celebrating because we dislike Ted, but because we finally might catch a glimpse of the elusive Carolynus Gardnerus soon . This bottom-feeding Democratic specimen is finally gonna have to come out from behind Dan Lewandowski's apron. No newspaper or TV station has been able to find her in the many months this scumbaggery has dragged on. What's she gonna do when she actually has to show up for a board meeting? Shit, she might even have to move back into her district. Being a county board member is hard.

Ted, we'll see you back on the board next year after you've spanked Gardner back into the subservient obscurity she's earned.

For at least a month now, reports have been leaking out alleging that Mark Anthony Barmore had powder burns on his hand, which would tend to support the officers' account that the member of Pastor Melvin Brown's flock had his hand on a gun in the scuffle that left him shot to death by police. Brown still calls the shooting a murder, but an investigation is ongoing.

Meanwhile, I'm sure the Apostle is scheming to keep the gravy train flowing. For a related story on RRStar.com recently, a reader suggested in a comment that Brown keeps yelling "murder" to deflect attention away from the fact this his wife allegedly let Barmore into the building/day care. The reader went on to wonder why none of the parents of the children in the day care were questioning why Barmore was welcomed into the building. Why, indeed.

It's even been suggested that Brown allegedly paid Jesse Jackson to bring his fish and goose soiree to Rockford. By the way, I wasn't the only one who thought Jesse was drunk when he spoke during city council. A source tells me Jackson allegedly smelled of booze in the hours before his comments.

That aside, the black community has some good points, even if they might have picked the wrong battle in this instance. When you have cops investigating cops, it's pretty safe to assume any use of force will be deemed justified. But even Ann Thompson-Kelly (the alderman with perma-surprise, apparently courtesy of cosmetic surgery) backed down from the NAACP's idea of a police review board made up of citizens. Instead, she decided it's enough to just talk with police, and the best chance the the community has ever had for a civilian review in use-of-force cases has been frittered away.

I don't look forward to the announcement of justifiable homicide in the Barmore case, even if it's true. It's not likely to ease perceived racial tension, and I suspect Brown is salivating. This is just getting started, unfortunately.

Cripes. If you don't pay attention to national news, you might have missed that Congressman Don Manzullo called Islam a "savage religion." Wow.

WREX managed to catch Don saying this. Naturally, because Ch. 13 had the scoop, it went almost ignored by the other local media, but it made big news nationally. The congressman who once ran on term limits has since backpedaled, saying the comment only applied to the Guantanamo detainees.

Unless I'm mistaken, Manzullo has a law degree laying around somewhere. In his strictly anti-Obama stance on the prospect of detainees being moved to Thomson, IL, Don appears to be forgetting the inconvenient matter of due process in his assumptions, while apparently doubting the local labor force is capable of keeping potentially dangerous terrorists from escaping from locked metal boxes.

Manzullo's archaic arguments imply housing the detainees in his district will somehow turn the rural town into a target for terrorists--LOL

What the Thomson deal really tells me is that Manzullo has gained absolutely no respect from colleagues during his years in Congress. Obama is basically shitting in Manzullo's back yard, Don thinks, and I suspect that's indicative of a need for stronger leadership in the 16th District.

We'll get into some of the election stuff later, once I've coughed all the bong resin from my lungs and wiped the cobwebs from my eyes.

"I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain."
-Bene Gesserit Litany Against Fear

Aldermen hope lots of rich people get hurt this year

At the City Council meeting last night, aldermen won a Fire Department popularity contest by nixing Mayor Morrissey's plan to reduce fire crews from four to three men on every truck.

Well, that's what the news will report, but it all could change in a week after aldermen are done licking their bellies for the TV cameras.

It's great news for the handful of people who'll actually need a fire extinguished this year, but the other 80 percent of the department's calls are for ambulance service.

***"If you vote Yes right now, we'll include a special bonus: Dial 9-1-1 for an ambulance and we'll also send a fully-loaded, shiny, red firetruck - whether you need it or not! (Fire truck mandatory. You will be billed.)"***

How can the city afford to keep four fire fighters on every engine? It can't. Instead, the taxpayers will be expected to pay for it every time an ambulance driver farts.

Folks, these aldermen are essentially saying, "If the 'people' insist on four-per-truck, then we'll reach so deep into their pockets for ambulance calls that they'll actually think twice about wanting to live before dialing."

This careless move by councilmen appeases those who fear death will rape them in the night if only three firemen bounce off a firetruck when some weekend drunkard sets his picnic table on fire during the local NAMBLA chapter's solstice BBQ.

For the record, I received an invitation to the BBQ, but declined. As an excuse, I spun some web of deceit involving a prior commitment in the form of a speaking engagement at a small New England private college, which would demand a rigorous regimen of heterosexual coitus with virgins of legal age.

Anyway, according to Finance Department figures, under the aldermanic plan, a bare-bones ambulance call would start ticking at $775. Right now, it's $375.

Given the economy we're faced with - and remember, Rockford's unemployment and poverty levels are especially high - collecting these bills is a pipe dream at best. As for what's in the pipe aldermen are passing, I'd guess it's some combination of crack, heroin, meth and Sani-Flush, but I can't be sure until I hear back from the lab.

As an educated man of modest income, I know that the difference between a $775 bill and a $375 bill is that the $375 bill might actually get paid. This is not Naperville, even if we have a river-walk paved with the gold teeth of hard-working people who can't afford an emergency right now.

Then what is the city gonna do? They'll waste tax dollars sicking Patrick Hayes' sweaty minions (from what I understand, lawyers make a good living) on these unfortunates for money they simply don't have.

These aren't the lifelong leeches-on-the-system the more heartless among us prefer to imagine. These are good people having a bad time, and I've been there, boy.

Simply put, aldermen are just trying to look like heroes until after they're re-elected. By the time their solution turns out to be a new problem for the general fund, we'll already be stuck with them all over again.

I'm expecting Larry to come out swinging against this proposal. I think his position, more or less, will be: "Aldermen want to charge you twice as much when you need the city most. By the way, four firemen per truck is still pretty wasteful."

I think he's got a good chance of building enough support in the next week to seriously challenge this not-so-well-thought-out plan when it comes up for a vote. Then, somehow, it'll be more appropriate to blame the mayor for reduced manning. The aldermen can't lose, unless they open their mouths.

I still think there's a good chance my earlier prediction about the outcome of this is on the mark. A lot can happen between now and the next City Council meeting, and Larry tends to be able to whip up the votes for what he wants. He's a clear favorite, and I still say the status quo won't want to burn any bridges when it gets down to it.

When all is said and done, I still say the fire crews will be cut to three. After today, the deck is stacked against my prediction of the fire fighter union endorsing Morrissey, but they also have to recognize the likelihood of his re-election. It's a good wager, and I'm all in. I think they know their endorsement isn't enough to give Doug Block an edge. For now, I stand by my prediction.

If I'm wrong, send me an ambulance bill.