Friday, April 3, 2009

OK, now that I've got the attention of Block and the PBPA

I noticed that my friendly suggestions to Doug were reposted on the the PBPA's blog, and I'm humbled that Rockford's Finest see merit in them. I'm glad you've taken notice, because Doug can win this thing, despite the awful week he's having at a crucial time. Heed the 10 tips I posted previously and you'll be well on your way - but waste no time.

Okay, as it turns out, Larry beat you to the Rick Nielsen endorsement, but that one was more of a joke than anything, so don't despair. Endorsements are like assholes anyway.

Now is the time to go back on the offensive - immediately. You're a self-described bulldog, Doug, so start biting and don't let go.

Having any luck with the Coppergate or Brauns suggestions? Those are biggies. I'd also urge you to concentrate on pledging to put a stop to the riverwalk. MFT funds might be better spent on roads, don't you think? Everyone knows the only one who wants the riverwalk is Larry - so that when he's no longer mayor, he can gaze from his office window in the Morrissey building and see his brick legacy along the river.

Since roads are a part of your platform, stress the need for accountability when it comes to the quality and longevity of the product. Like it or not, the cheapest bid isn't always the best course, and Rockford Blacktop (which isn't even located in Rockford, despite its name) needs to do a lot better after being hand-fed an asphalt plant by Larry. They should be put on notice that their bids will no longer be accepted if we have to replace their roads every few years.

Is there some reason it's the city burden to maintain the shitty roads we pay handsomely for? That should be the responsibility of the contractors, to ensure quality workmanship in the first place. Maintenance should be part of the contracts.

Also, as Spade agreed in his comment, like it or not, a casino is inevitable, so you might as well embrace it, Doug. You'd be surprised how much the State of Illinois will want to help Rockford when there are gambling revenues to be had.

By the way, Spade, there's always room for Jello here at the compound, so kudos to you for recognizing another Prophet and Patriot in Mr. Biafra.

Speaking of gambling, there's the matter of that card-game-gone-bad on Kishwaukee Street in October 2007. Everyone knows there were important folks there, and at least some members of the PBPA must know who they are. We're all ears, and your anonymity is assured by The Patriot. Drop me a line via comment (which I'll keep private), and The Patriot will do the rest. As stupid as the three young men were to allegedly rob the game, they don't deserve to be charged with murder. Be heroes and let the real story be told. Rockford wants to know. I'd love to print the tale as a work of fiction so that the more intelligent among us can read between the lines for some semblance of the truth.

That aside, I'll be waiting for Mr. Block to put some of my suggestions to work for him before the weekend, and I've got plenty more to dish out before Tuesday if he actually starts to listen. I won't even send you a consulting bill, Mr. Block. We can negotiate that for the next campaign in 4 years. I'd just hate to see Larry win simply because of his crybaby antics on Tuesday. Give him something to really cry about, Doug.

The Patriot has spoken, and it is so.


  1. Man, in 1988, Gibby Haynes kicked me and 4 of my Army buddies off the stage at the Rock Fabrik in Munich, Germany. Fuckin’ German audience didn’t know how to mosh, well, hell, my fellow screwheads, it is Germany, after all… they do know how to march in order and that is handy in war. So, after the first 3 songs where the locals stood and clapped… yeah, they fuckin’ clapped at a Punk show… we climbed up on the stage, naw, we were hauled up by the band, locked arms and those glorious mutants kicked us off into the crowd.

    Then the mayhem started… ah, glorious chaos…

    That is where I met “deaf mute girl,” Kathleen Lynch, for the first time… hell, I was so fucked up I tried to ask her for a date. Deaf mute girl, like Tar Baby, said nothing.

    Who wouldn’t ask for a date; she was clean shaven totally bald top to bottom and was an awesome dancer, trust me… it was a hellacious drug fuelled after party at the hotel only Papa Duke could appreciate.

    Ya’ gotta love American stage craft! The Germans may make good machine tools but we put on a better show!!

    “America stands for freedom
    but if you think you're free
    try walking into a deli
    and urinating on the cheese

    anarchy burger
    hold the government
    anarchy burger
    hold the government”

    ~ Anarchy Burger by THE VANDALS

  2. Keep up the great posts, but please turn off the stupid music player. I had to block it with my Adblocker, because having more than one of your pages open in tabs was creating problems in my earholes.
    I wish you'd chime in on the horrendous "What Rocks" too.