Even a broken clock is right twice a day

Ald. Pat Curran complained Monday night about the design of a bridge for Mayor Morrissey's river-walk project. He's a buffoon, but he was right this time. People are going to look at it, not only a hundred years from now, but 5 years from now, and wonder, "What were they thinking?"

Seriously, take a look at the conceptual drawing and tell me this suspension bridge looks like it even remotely belongs with the arched bridges it's attached to. As my daughter would say, "WTF?" A half-baked plan by a completely-baked council.

Never mind. It's not their money they're pissing away. The state is going to pay for most of it, or so our city fathers want to believe, so that makes it OK to do it half-assed. We in Rockford are used to that. We are the champions and patron saints of mediocrity.

Tim Dimke, head of the Rockford Park District, likened the project to Rockford's version of Disneyland. The paper didn't specify, but I suspect he said it with a straight face that needs to be sullied by a drunken, angry Irishman.

Has anyone pulling the strings in town actually lived outside of Rockford? I doubt it, and they certainly don't care to listen to anyone who has. No one, I mean no one, is going to be impressed by this floating turd. Certainly not anyone from out of town. It'll be just one more place for Rockfordians to end their Forbes-confirmed miserable lives.

Then there's Ann Thompson Kelly. She spent several minutes telling everyone how she's completely against the project. Then, she voted for it. Thanks, Ann. Your lip service proves how good of a friend you are to taxpayers.

She based her support on the $3,400,000 the state is pitching in. Guess what, Ann. Those dollars come from us taxpayers, too.

The underlying theme during discussion Monday night was the support of "stakeholders," namely the Burpee Museum. Supposedly, they like the bridge design because it fits in with their own expansion project.

Jesus, let them pay for it then. They're obviously the only ones the city is trying to please with this thing. Despite being a seat of culture, it's clear the museum folks have poor taste.

The taxpayers of Rockford have roundly rejected the whole river-walk idea from its inception, and no one is listening (unless you support it). Despite the state paying for much of the cost, we could use those dollars for other things. Members of the public during the council meeting aptly noted our roads are a much more deserving cause.

Downtown is a good cause, too, but we've spent more than enough money in that ghost town lately. Let's spread it around a bit for the rest of us who travel in other parts of the city. Before any "tourists" ever reach the river, all they're going to notice is the shit quality of our roads.

Isn't it ironic that the company who builds the roads is the same company that destroys them with their huge trucks?

My derelict friends began filing in hours ago for the mayor's 5th state of the city address later today. We will be ruthlessly drunk and sleep-deprived by the time the speech hits the airwaves at 6:00. We'd considered going down to the Coronado to witness the horrors in person, but they'd never let us near the place in the condition we'll be in. Instead, we'll be huddled around the radio like it's the 1940's.

The wife was displeased with me even before our "guests" arrived, but the kitchen is her happy place away from me. The less we see of each other, the better we get along. She'll leave me any day now, and probably take the kids, but that's the way it goes for true Patriots. Sometimes, we have to sacrifice our personal lives for the greater good. I have to believe that.

Aldermen getting cold feet over ambulance rates

After realizing how truly absurd and potentially tragic it would be to begin charging more than double the current rate for ambulance service, councilmen started going limp on the idea this week.

God knows there are people in other communities, like Cherry Valley, who pay less taxes and get their ambulance service for free. That's what a mall can do for ya', and Rockford missed the boat there. Oh well.

Kudos to Pat Curran, however, for trying to do something about it. At last week's city council meeting, Curran encouraged colleagues to participate in a budget discussion during a special committee meeting, set for two hours before Monday's council meeting so as not to interfere with other committee schedules.

Nancy Johnson was the only other Finance & Personnel Committee member to show up on time, so hats off to her as well. I would be remiss if I didn't throw Carl Wasco, Frank Beach and Jeff Holt high-fives for giving a shit, too, but their interest was in vain.

Unfortunately, according to my sources, Curran and Johnson's presence wasn't enough to constitute a quorum, so these aldermen, along with interested citizens, the press and about a dozen staffers and administrators (who are paid by taxpayers for their time), sat twiddling their thumbs for an hour before Doug Mark graced everyone with his presence so the party could begin.

I guess his employer, the Metrocentre, doesn't feel the city's millions in contributions warrant letting an alderman work on city business. By the time Mark arrived, the non-F&P members had to leave for their own committee meetings, so the whole purpose of meeting at 4 was a complete wash. I'll bet Curran was pissed, and rightly so. But hey, at least Mark showed up.

From what I've been told, Vic Bell and Linda McNeely (also F&P Committee members) apparently had better things to do than discuss how they're gonna get out of the $8,000,000 mess they helped put the city in. No kudos or high-fives for these two, only bitch-slaps. McNeely is only around to be a pain in Larry's ass (probably on behalf of Doug Scott and/or Charles Box), and Bell is a short-timer, so what do they care? They apparently don't.

By the way, Ann Thompson didn't even set foot in city hall Monday. Probably a bad eyebrow day. Jesus, what a horror show.

Anyway, not surprisingly, I'm guessing little or nothing was accomplished during the committee meeting, because nothing was accomplished at city council either.

I'm getting the feeling most aldermen would rather keep putting this off and go to their little caucus-orgies on Monday nights instead. After Mr. Sammul prattled on forever about the dry nuances of ambulance costs, councilmen seemed to have had enough for one night.

Two weeks before the drop-dead date to pass a budget, none of them felt like talking about it, so they just put it off for yet another week. They claimed they wanted more time to review the "new" information, but they really just needed a fucking drink.

For that, I can't blame them, but maybe Patrick Hayes should draft a new council rule to allow bar service in chambers. I'm not sure that even tea-totaler Beach could resist the thought of Julia Valdez reaching blackout-point, taking on her true black widow persona in some sort of ritualistic dance on the mayor's desk. I won't even get into the Tijuana performance I imagine her putting on with the gavel. You don't wanna know.

At any rate, Curran was the only alderman with the balls to essentially say, "Hey, doubling ambulance charges just isn't right if all we're gonna get is happy fire fighters and a few re-elected aldermen."

By the time the council is done with them, IAFF local 413 may realize they have a premature ejaculation problem once aldermen come to the realization they just don't have the luxury of putting four brave souls on every engine right now. Now the union is stuck with Doug Block.

Even if the city were to solve the budget crunch and wind up with some huge hypothetical surplus, you'd better believe Morrissey will cut crews now, no matter what. Why? 'Cause it makes more sense to spend the money on something we truly need. Oh yeah, and I suppose going against Larry didn't help their cause either. Block may have peaked too early as well, but we'll see.

I love, respect and admire our men and women who rush to our aid on our blackest days, but c'mon...We do NOT need 4 of you on every fire truck when multiple companies can readily respond. Regardless of EJ Dilonardo's propaganda, 3 fire fighters is the norm. Do your research. I did. The only people who buy into this 4-man nonsense are the ones who've never been outside of Rockford.

Between having to shitcan his buddy Adam Smith and having fire fighters endorse Block, Larry had a hard week, but I expect he'll bounce back before election day. Block has a clear edge at the moment, and plenty more opportunities to criticize the administration, but three weeks is an eternity during a campaign. Anything can happen.

C'mon, people, this is gonna be fun to watch, one way or another! Pour some scotch, spark a fattie and watch the show.

With their boy Block posing a serious threat now, I suspect Democrats will dig their heels in on the 4-man issue, but I think Republicans (who don't really have a dog in the fight) will side with Morrissey. Afterall, to them, an independent is better than a Democrat.

P.S.
Your prayers for Jim Powers and his family would be appreciated. Lord knows I haven't always agreed with him, but I've never doubted his integrity or his love for the Forest City. Thanks for your service, Colonel. It is appreciated. God bless.