Monday, April 6, 2009

Who I’m endorsing, and who I’ll actually vote for...

I'm gonna try to keep this as short as possible, because I'm not in the mood right now. As predicted, they started arriving shortly before 10AM today, already smelling like breweries, brandishing firearms and compelled to gamble on each of the local races. I'm sick of them already, but by the time the polls open in the morning, I'll get my second wind to carry me until all precincts have reported.

By the way, Mr. Nicolosi, I've got big money riding on you for a township spot. Don't let me down, kiddo. I'm told my oldest needs braces.

When the city council drinking game was finished this evening, an inexplicable lull came over the compound - the calm before the storm on election day, I suppose. Anyway, I'm taking this moment to deliver what I've promised.

April 7 will be a long night for those of us watching the local races. Some will celebrate victories, other will mourn defeats, and I expect to do a little of both.

We have a choice, fellow Patriots. The choice is whether we keep city hall in the hands of the lawyers, or give it to the cops - Not a comfortable decision to make, as both industries continue to cause significant amounts of grief in my own life.

There are, of course, two other candidates for mayor, but even before the Democratic primary was decided, it was clear the race would be between Block and incumbent Morrissey.

Jesus Correa is still plugging along, usually showing up for forums and debates when he’s invited. By the time this election’s done, Jesus might actually have learned quite a bit, but I don’t suspect we’ll see him run again in four years. However, I would wholeheartedly endorse Correa for a leadership position that will give him the resources to craft downtown into his inspired yet attainable vision.

I also liked his comments about the police. As he deftly noted, people fear cops whether they’ve done anything wrong or not. No one is happy to see a cop in their rear-view mirror, yet they’re never around when you need them, right?

Correa advocated for officers to actually get to know the residents of the communities they protect – an excellent idea. Too much time is spent driving around in squad cars instead of doing the legwork that makes a difference. Police need to build relationships with citizens if we’re gonna put a real dent in crime. Better yet, Jello Biafra once proposed that police officers should be elected by the neighborhoods they serve.

Lord knows the neighbors need someone to turn to when they find me pissing in their rose bushes and blasting a shotgun into the air at 5AM on a Sunday.

John Harmon, you’ve got a lot of wisdom and sensible ideas. During this campaign, you have been consistently stellar in identifying problems and presenting solutions. As far as my score sheet is concerned, you won every debate.

Comparing the cases presented by all four candidates, I hereby endorse John H. Harmon for mayor of Rockford, but that's not who I'll be voting for.

Unfortunately, John’s strengths are in politics, not in making friends. When you’re running as a Republican in a city of Democrats, you’ve already got an uphill battle. Add to that the fact that few in your own party support you and you’ve got, as Larry would say, a tough row to hoe.

John, I recommend you retire from running for office. Instead, you could keep your hand in things as a campaign consultant. Believe it or not, that actually might give folks like Jim Thacker something to worry about. Give it some serious thought. [Patriot’s note: I wrote this suggestion last night, prior to hearing Mr. Harmon mention such a possibility during today’s WNTA debate].

While Harmon, point for point, presented the strongest arguments to earn my endorsement, he simply cannot win, so my actual vote must be cast either for Larry or for Doug.

Doug is a well-liked guy. Considering that he worked internal affairs (not a popular position in the department), it's impressive that he has the full trust of Rockford's finest. And no matter what Larry dishes out, Block will be okay in my book, too.

However, I can’t ignore that he obviously has the interests of the police union at heart. His knowledge about other issues, quite frankly, is not up to snuff this time around. The problem, I think, is that Block’s candidacy is more about dethroning Larry than anything else. Beyond that, Doug doesn’t appear to have real plans yet to address the multitude of issues facing the city if he’s actually elected.

On the other hand, just about everyone who voted for Larry feels let down.

If we learned anything from the GW Bush debacle, however, choosing the guy you’d most like to do blow with while driving drunk isn’t always the best course of action. When it comes to that, there’s no question I’d rather party with Doug, but this is no Tijuana titty-bar.

At Block’s present level of fluency with the issues, I’m much more inclined to leave things in Larry’s hands right now, and I’ll grudgingly cast my vote for Morrissey.



There you have it, for whatever it's worth.

This is a tighter race than Larry would like, but I predict he'll win it. I've got money on it in fact, and I'm determined to fleece the derelicts in my living room who think Block has the edge.

If Morrissey is re-elected, I'll be scrambling to collect an estimated $14,000 in winnings before I board a plane for San Juan Saturday. In which case, a new Reynolds Yater high performance longboard will be my first purchase once I hit the beach. The remainder will, of course, be spent on foolish endeavors I hope to remember later.

Hang loose, Patriots.

Sunday, April 5, 2009

Charlie Box don't surf!

I promised an endorsement, while also acknowledging it shouldn't count for anything - because who the fuck am I, right? Regardless, as much as I spout off about these poor bastards running for mayor, I can't go limp now.

I will be voting, I'll have to make a choice and I will share it with you the night before I do so. I don't care to sway your vote. You have your own reasons and beliefs. I'll just tell you what decided it for me as best I can.

It might come late, but by the time you wake to go about your civic duty on Tuesday, The Patriot will have spoken.

I'm really trying to keep an open mind until the WNTA debate is over Monday. That'll be the last stand for all 4 gentlemen and I expect friends, political figures and strangers will start dropping by the compound sometime Monday morning, demanding to start the tailgate party.

Once I wake up Monday, there'll be no sleep until Wednesday. When I regain consciousness sometime Thursday or Friday, I'll lick my wounds and pack my bags for Puerto Rico. I'm leaving Saturday, but will stay connected through the miracle of the porn machine. Some friends are making a movie (not a porno) in San Juan and I wanna get some color before summer.It'll be a nice break. I need to get to the beach for a recharge every now and then. Normally, I head home to San Marcos, CA. Most of the family is out that way, and I like to do a little surfing when I can.

By the way, I highly recommend winter surfing on Lake Michigan when you can't get to an ocean.



But it's been too long since I've been to Puerto Rico and it'll be good to see old friends. Mid-April typically marks the end of peak surfing down there, but I'm hoping for some nice swell anyway. Then again, I might just stick around there to do some surfing when hurricane season starts in June.

We'll just have to see how long the local authorities will be tolerant of me before I have to make a hasty exit from the archipelago.

Fear not. We're in it together as we inherit whatever disaster we find ourselves stuck with April 8.

Take comfort in knowing we've got 4 years to make sure Dave Syverson gets his dick knocked in the dirt when he runs for mayor.

Friday, April 3, 2009

OK, now that I've got the attention of Block and the PBPA

I noticed that my friendly suggestions to Doug were reposted on the the PBPA's blog, and I'm humbled that Rockford's Finest see merit in them. I'm glad you've taken notice, because Doug can win this thing, despite the awful week he's having at a crucial time. Heed the 10 tips I posted previously and you'll be well on your way - but waste no time.

Okay, as it turns out, Larry beat you to the Rick Nielsen endorsement, but that one was more of a joke than anything, so don't despair. Endorsements are like assholes anyway.

Now is the time to go back on the offensive - immediately. You're a self-described bulldog, Doug, so start biting and don't let go.

Having any luck with the Coppergate or Brauns suggestions? Those are biggies. I'd also urge you to concentrate on pledging to put a stop to the riverwalk. MFT funds might be better spent on roads, don't you think? Everyone knows the only one who wants the riverwalk is Larry - so that when he's no longer mayor, he can gaze from his office window in the Morrissey building and see his brick legacy along the river.

Since roads are a part of your platform, stress the need for accountability when it comes to the quality and longevity of the product. Like it or not, the cheapest bid isn't always the best course, and Rockford Blacktop (which isn't even located in Rockford, despite its name) needs to do a lot better after being hand-fed an asphalt plant by Larry. They should be put on notice that their bids will no longer be accepted if we have to replace their roads every few years.

Is there some reason it's the city burden to maintain the shitty roads we pay handsomely for? That should be the responsibility of the contractors, to ensure quality workmanship in the first place. Maintenance should be part of the contracts.

Also, as Spade agreed in his comment, like it or not, a casino is inevitable, so you might as well embrace it, Doug. You'd be surprised how much the State of Illinois will want to help Rockford when there are gambling revenues to be had.

By the way, Spade, there's always room for Jello here at the compound, so kudos to you for recognizing another Prophet and Patriot in Mr. Biafra.

Speaking of gambling, there's the matter of that card-game-gone-bad on Kishwaukee Street in October 2007. Everyone knows there were important folks there, and at least some members of the PBPA must know who they are. We're all ears, and your anonymity is assured by The Patriot. Drop me a line via comment (which I'll keep private), and The Patriot will do the rest. As stupid as the three young men were to allegedly rob the game, they don't deserve to be charged with murder. Be heroes and let the real story be told. Rockford wants to know. I'd love to print the tale as a work of fiction so that the more intelligent among us can read between the lines for some semblance of the truth.

That aside, I'll be waiting for Mr. Block to put some of my suggestions to work for him before the weekend, and I've got plenty more to dish out before Tuesday if he actually starts to listen. I won't even send you a consulting bill, Mr. Block. We can negotiate that for the next campaign in 4 years. I'd just hate to see Larry win simply because of his crybaby antics on Tuesday. Give him something to really cry about, Doug.

The Patriot has spoken, and it is so.

Humping Block's leg pays off for Elyea?

Republican Karen Elyea, who seems to call herself a Democrat only as a matter of convenience and opportunity, has been laughing all the way to her campaign coffer, thanks to union contributions she's gotten by following Doug Block around like a puppy dog.

The local fire fighters' union contributed, because they apparently assumed she's pro-union, since they've undoubtedly seen her riding Block's coattails.

Likewise, IBEW, the Northwestern Illinois Building and Construction Trades Council, the iron workers, plasterers & cement masons and laborers have thrown financing Elyea's way.

"Civilian" contributors to her campaign include Republican county board member Randy Olson. Additionally, Elyea's campaign documents show that she hired former Republican county board member Chris K. Johnson's River District Catering for a fundraiser.

It appears to me Karen might do or say anything to get what she wants, but for the unions who hope she gets elected, she'll be your worst nightmare, because she's probably already forgotten you. You'll learn that she cares primarily about her own agenda, and unions don't likely factor into it. Sorry, Charlie.

Where are all the contributions from people in her ward who believe in her? That's easy: There aren't any. Not one.

Advice to Doug Block: Choose your friends more carefully, because everyone else in Rockford seems to know more about Elyea than you do, and she could be hurting your chances of being taken seriously. And don't be afraid to ask your PBPA members about drug charges against her in 2003, and whether they believe there's more to that.

Thursday, April 2, 2009

Just forwarded to me and too good to keep to myself

TOP TEN SLOGANS FOR JOHN HARMON’S CAMPAIGN FOR MAYOR

10. Harmon for Mayor
“because we can!”

9. John H. Harmon for Mayor
(The “H” is for hysterical)

8. John Harmon
Never Had It, Never Will

7. I want to have John Harmon’s baby!

6. I AM John Harmon’s baby!

5. Will Rogers never met John Harmon

4. Harmon for Mayor
Make Rockford what it once was, a frozen wasteland covered by ice

3. Harmon for Mayor
The Eric Cartman of Rockford politics

2. Harmon NOW!


And the number one slogan for John Harmon’s campaign for Mayor

VOTE FOR JESUS
MAKE HARMON 4TH

Where do Doug Block and the police union stand on illegal aliens?

This Block campaign ad, featuring Aurelio Delarosa, makes one wonder...



Talk about pandering for votes.

Wednesday, April 1, 2009

Block campaign begins to unravel

Just two or three weeks ago, Doug Block was having the best week ever. Could it be he peaked too early in the campaign? We shall see, because here in the home stretch, Mayor Morrissey is really pouring it on to swing the momentum in his own favor.

Larry convened what was apparently an invitation-only scandalfest for the media Tuesday at Forest Hills Country Club, just moments after he'd eaten lunch beside Block.

From what I understand, Larry showed members of the local press obscene text messages that none of them could possibly air or print. Why would he do this? Is it because his feelings were hurt?

I wouldn't count on it. He simply knows it'll make Block look like an ignorant union goon. Well, son Dan certainly looks like an ass, because this little thing could be enough to derail his dad's campaign, even though Doug cut Dan loose from the campaign a day later. The damage is already done, with less than a week to recover.

If we've learned anything from the Billy Carters and Roger Clintons of this world, Doug, it's that some family members oughta be mailed to Nepal during a campaign, and kept there if you're elected.

Larry's point: The apple doesn't fall far from the tree.

Apparently, Larry wheeled out some other complaints about Block's supporters, but they had little, if anything, to do with Doug himself. I think Larry really just wanted an excuse for giving the media hardons by confiding in them the contents of the text message, so as to perhaps manipulate the local press to put Block on the defensive, regardless of how silly it all is.

As I understand it, and mentioned earlier, Doug and Larry apparently attended some sort of candidate luncheon at Forest Hills CC just before the private donkey show. Obviously, Larry wanted Doug to see the media filing in as the luncheon ended. Naturally, Doug would stick around to see what's up.

After Larry got the local press all spun into a frenzy behind closed doors, he turned them loose on Block, who was apparently waiting right outside for the ambush. Very calculated.

Chuck Sweeny's column today brought up another good point. Doug's been running an ad based on a Register Star article he obviously never finished reading. What's sad is that it's starting to appear that Doug doesn't even realize the claim in his ad is false.

I personally think Doug's a good guy, but that he's really not fluent in issues unrelated to the police. If he doesn't win this time around, he can become awfully strong in the next four years if he broadens his horizons.

Adding to Block's woes, I see Frank Schier threw his endorsement behind Morrissey. Not a surprise after Larry threw Schier a bone Monday by backing off on industrial zoning along the Kish. Both men got what they wanted.

But you know it's a close race when Larry actually needs TRRT's endorsement, and I'm willing to bet Block was hoping to get it himself. It's just that tight.

If you think it's ugly now, just wait to see what Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday and Monday will bring. Those are the days that will decide this race.

Now is the point in the campaign where Larry will reach deep into his substantial warchest to bury Block if at all possible. This week, you'll see the difference having lots of money makes, Doug.

I certainly hope that Mr. Block is a reader by now. I have some advice that may be of help in these last days before the election:
  1. Doug McDuff is trying to get the two of you in a room together. Take that opportunity. Begin by offering a sincere, public apology for the conduct of some of your supporters. Make it short, but heartfelt. Then, say, "Now, let's talk about the issues."
  2. No more TIF districts. John Harmon is absolutely correct in his assertion that they are a BIG source of debt. Give John a call. I have the feeling he'd be happy to brief you, because I'm sure he knows he can't win. Beating Larry is good enough for him any way he can get it. And don't be afraid to credit Jesus Correa with questioning the success of TIF in the case of Anderson Packaging. This is right up your alley, Doug, and it'll show voters you know about more than just union bullshit. This is a story about 167 loyal Anderson workers getting fucked right after the city gave them $1.1 million to expand and create new jobs, and Larry calls it a victory. Sure, Anderson will probably hire enough illegal aliens at low wages in order to live up to its end of the bargain of creating jobs, but a lot of good people got canned. Be outraged about it, because you oughta be.
  3. Advocate for a casino downtown.
  4. Get Rick Nielsen to endorse you.
  5. Pledge to sell the IceHogs to a responsible local buyer if at all possible. Although you love the team, you should be opposed to city ownership. Do you suppose Dr. T and Craig could afford to buy them back now? Maybe it's just a pipe dream, but maybe not. Start making some calls and crunching some numbers, and undo an injustice done by Larry to the team you love.
  6. Tie Morrissey family relations to Coppergate. The connection is there.
  7. Draw attention to Ryan Brauns' connections to Morrissey while also being on the Board of Elections (not to mention consulting contract[s]). Talk about a fucking conflict.
  8. Advocate for concealed carry. The county board has already shown its willingness. Pledge to work with them to educate the public on the facts and dispel the myths. Then, an advisory referendum will pass, which will put a little more pressure on the legislature.
  9. Kill the riverwalk. That'll happen on its own once the casino is downtown, without having to go through people's backyards.
  10. Change your position on removing the pedestrian mall. It's a good thing to get rid of it.
There's 10 to get ya started, Doug. If I see you using any of these recommendations in the next couple days, I'll be glad to offer further counsel.

The Patriot has spoken, and it is so.

I'm spent. Ruthlessly drunk. The kids are asleep and the wife is waiting. As my balls slap against her in a matter of moments, I'll be thinking about election day.