Tuesday, March 24, 2009

Yep, I'm still smellin' trouble for Larry

Does anyone else get the feeling aldermen are delaying budget cuts until the last possible moment for the most devious of reasons?

Could it be council Democrats and Republicans, working in concert, are preparing for a March 30 drive-by anal-rape of all the projects Morrissey holds dear? I'm betting on it.

By delaying any real public deliberations on the budget cuts, Morrissey has been left in the dark and out of the loop, Baby.

I mean, they haven't talked about anything. There are, of course, the obvious issues of ambulance fees, minimum staffing in the fire department and the less-talked-about scheduling changes in the police department. But those are drops in the bucket when we're talking about $8 million worth of snips. They could be made anywhere, and it'll be fun watch, courtesy of handsomely-compensated, yet technologically inept, Comcast.

The trap will be sprung the night before the city's mandated deadline for passing its spending plan. If, for whatever reason, they don't pass a budget, the projected deficit just got a whole lot worse. It won't happen, though, despite Pat Curran's anxiety nightmares.

There's a bit of a Monday night ritual here at the compound. Friends, acquaintances, strangers and political figures begin knocking on my door around 4 pm, usually disturbing my breakfast, but at least they bear gifts, guns and good memories.

Martinis are deployed and smoke permeates the air. A line begins to form for the bathroom before the meeting eventually gets started, no less than 30 minutes late usually.
A hundred tenuously-filled shot glasses litter the coffee table and the game begins. The rules are simple.

You drink a shot whenever:

-Linda McNeely says "Mr. Mayor"
-Larry says "Thank you very much," which we all repeat in Elvis voices

-Frank Beach votes against a liquor license
-Joe Sosnowski or Jeff Holt abstain from a vote because of a conflict of interest
-Pat Curran brings apple-related goodies for the council

-Doug Mark's hair is a little goofy
-Carl Wasco doesn't make sense
-Victory Bell says "aldermans"
-Lenny Jacobson says "Your Honor"
-Anne Thompson looks surprised because of a plastic surgery disaster
-Bill Timm thanks a department head

-John Beck tries to justify the millions of taxpayer dollars thrown into the Metrocentre

-Dan Conness fucks up trying to read

So, why will donkeys and elephants stampede together Monday night? Because the mayor is neither, Holmes.

This certainly isn't a year that Republicans expect to have a chance for the mayor's mansion. Even Jan Klaas is laughing at John Harmon. Kind of a shame any way you look at it. Historically, the guy's 100% unlikable, but I've gotta admit again, a conservative might be the best thing for the city right now. I know it won't happen, however, so that really just leaves Larry and Doug.

That is not meant to discourage Jesus Correa, by the way. He's stated there's no way he'll win, but that doesn't mean he hasn't got ideas that he's not in a unique position to share with a relatively wider audience than he'll find in a coffee shop or bar that's already tuned him out. I'm all ears, Jesus, and so are our readers. My invitation stands if you have any sort of platform you'd like to share.

It's encouraging to see that at least the local media acknowledge a Green Party candidate, and that Jesus is being included in the mayoral forums. I have much to teach you about running a real campaign, Jesus, but you and your friends are spending entirely too much time looking for clippings on this blog, and not nearly enough time getting off your Generation-Why? asses.

By the way, you and yo
ur friend - I'll call him beefcake - have developed impotence over some photo I posted along with a reference to you. HINT: Don't post it on the internet if you don't want people to see it.


Is there a photo you'd prefer me to use, or should I just not give Correa any more free press? Shall I also remove Mr. Correa from my mayoral poll? Hell, I'll remove every reference to Jesus ever being in the race. Would that make you happy? Can do. Awaiting your prompt approval to do so, and I'll pull the butt-plug right away.

City Hall is already filled with assholes, beef-beef. There's no room for you, but you're welcome to stay in the political manger with the rest of the sheep and swine.

Free advice to Jesus: Ditch anyone who thinks that was a piece of photography good enough to be some sort of bargaining chip on a blog that means absolutely nothing to anyone.

Back to the two-way race between Block and Morrissey. For a time, I believed Republicans would stand behind Larry, because an independent is better than a Democrat in their eyes, right?

That does not seem to be the case now. The two parties appear to be doing away with any hope for a three-or-more-party system in Rockford, despite indie aldermanic candidates. Larry was set-up from the beginning, and it'll be a long time before another third-party candidate holds the mayor's office. Aldermen will do their best to see to that March 30.

That's not to say I support Larry. We're just talking politics here. Jesus (not Correa), take your heart and blood pressure medications already. Mr. Correa, you should probably take your meds, too, whatever they may be. We will all need to be heavily sedated once Doug Block or Larry Morrissey wins.

Why wait? I think I'll sedate myself now.

It doesn't seem to be working. Shit.


  1. It was fucking beyond obvious the motivation behind all this. Only Mr. Duke was willing to report the apparent political devil’s bargain. The local Press/Media Sphere has been all too afraid to exploit their First Amendment Right of free derision, parody and satire… it’s why ya’ll got Crackford on the Crack River!!

    It’s hard to involve the plebes when they are too busy pursuing their next toke or petty crime to feed their heroin or meth habits.

    It reminds me of a scene from Blade Runner: “Wake up – it’s time to die.”

    Yeah, that’s it; Wakie, Wakie… time to die.

    Unlike Masada, no one is around to bury our uninformed asses… at Masada the rebels went to their deaths willingly for their values. Here in Crackford, we like to kill ourselves one day at a time through media-mediated civil ignorance.


  2. It's very easy to just make up some random fake name, hide behind it and shout to the heavens on your anonymous computer driven high horse, really, really easy to do.
    Good luck.

  3. See,to me,nothing says REPUBLICAN like MANZULLO...and with a shared campaign manager in jim thacker,i have never been able to see larryboy as anything but a "young turk" republican making a mockery of the "independent" label....who's his most loyal supporters? the grumpybutt wing of beck,curran,sosnowski....hardly ind.