Sunday, March 29, 2009

Ode to Jesus

Mr. Correa:

I watched the debate from the balcony of the Coronado Wednesday night, donning my Phantom of the Opera mask, and your mom can be proud of her son.

I agree with you 100% that downtown should resemble On the Waterfront at all times, which you've said at more than one debate. It's amazing what a few colored lights, delicious smells and the sound of music in the air can do to make downtown a vibrant place people want to be. I would urge you to get involved with or start your own arts-based downtown group that embodies your vision. I think we'd both agree the mayor's office deals with too many things beyond your areas of passion and expertise, and that downtown specifically could benefit from your full attention.

By the way, I don't recommend getting mixed up with the River District Association. They have their own ideas, and I suspect it involves "young professionals," not young minds. Just imagine thousands of Patrick Batemans living in a skyrise downtown. Eesh. I'm sure you know Kim Wheeler, so you must also understand she's probably unfit to be leading the charge to resurrect downtown, unless maybe it was still the 1980s.

Art + Politics = Power

Jesus, you're an artist, right? I propose you make downtown your new canvas. Every single other candidate in the mayor's race has taken precious debate time to applaud you in one way or another. In the next debate, you should ask each of them whether they will commit to your vision of downtown as a pedestrian-friendly festival atmosphere. Frankly, I'd like to know which of them recognizes the real merit and viability of transforming downtown in the very simple ways you've laid out. They would work wonders and give the city something to be proud of. Let's see who among them is willing to embrace a good idea that was not their own.

Make Larry and Doug, either of which could win at this point, give you a seat at the table.

By the way, you get a special shout-out for the Peter Criss sweater and the crack about Larry and Doug's personal argument. You were right in noting its absurdity, as was John Harmon when he called the issue a red herring.

Let's work on 2013 by transforming downtown first. If you can make an impact there, you will have the collective ear of the people as someone who is capable of attaining results. As I alluded in my last piece, a single citizen can often do more than a single elected official. It's the clout you gain now that will determine how far you can take things in the future.

Put on some gloves, Jesus, because it's time to start squeezing balls while you have a share of the spotlight with the other men running for mayor.

Shit, you may even wanna bluff by saying you're in command of a street army larger in number than Operation Desert Storm. Based on the sweater, I'd go so far as to suggest you claim to have the full allegiance of the Kiss Army at your behest. It couldn't hurt. Drive them with fear into utter submission, which is the intended place for an elected public servant.

Do this in remembrance of me.

Your friend,

The Patriot

1 comment:

  1. Total agreement on several fronts...
    I am no sophisticated globetrotter,however,in my travel experiences,any downtown with the "vibrant" feel so many politicians claim they envision for Rockford,the downtowns making a "comeback", are frankly,a pain in the ass to drive thru...pedestrian-friendly is the common theme.
    In light of this AND the budget projections,tearing out the Main St. mall for more traffic and more parking is ludicrous. Though I cannot verify thru documentation(yet)but the actual,total costs with "enhancements"looks to be $2-4million,not the $1mill. commonly cited.
    Whether developers owning properties downtown(Sunil?Morrissey Realty?Chandler Anderson?Provenzanos?) are waiting for other commitments of "moving forward" before they "make it happen",the city should still hold them accountable for the decrepit exterior appearances of the buildings....a little cosmetics,improved lighting,...little things could make a big difference....the city, since the dawn of "urban renewal",just has not learned THEY cannot somehow just make development happen by throwing money downtown. Until INDIVIDUALS with COMMITMENT flourish,the city will not force their vision of downtown into success....
    Seems I heard Mike Liefit(?) at the Irish Rose(INDIVIDUAL with COMMITMENT) say YEEEAAARRRSSS ago,he didn't want handouts from the city,he wanted the obstacles removed for small business owners downtown....